As of this past Sunday, we are officially, for the first time ever, trying to conceive. As in, trying to conceive AN ACTUAL HUMAN BABY. (I KNOW, RIGHT??!!?!) Who am I and what happened to the old “I don’t know if we’ll ever have children” me?
To help us in our baby endeavors, I signed up for my very own Fertility Friend VIP membership, I’m checking my temperature every morning at 4 a.m. (even on non-work days), and I know way more about cervical mucus than I ever realized was possible. So far, its been an interesting and very educational experience. I had no idea there could be so much science and so many acronyms involved in trying to start a family.
Both of our moms are infinitely excited about this recent step forward and, to be honest, so am I. I still can’t believe I’m “here” – that we’re “here” - but it feels right. It feels good. Granted, I’m scared out of my damn mind, but I imagine most women are the first time around. Right? Right??? (Okay, I’m going to pretend like the entire internet just nodded at me in unison so that I don’t feel like I’m standing in moth-eaten underwear in front of a crowded auditorium.)
I know this is probably TMI, but we’ve, um, “tried” the past two days in a row because, according to my cervix, it’s a good time to do so. And now, the waiting, waiting, waiting begins until I can take a pregnancy test. I don’t know if we’ll be lucky enough to conceive during our first month of trying, but I guess we shall see. I just wish I could find out instantaneously. The wondering is definitely not my favorite part of the process so far. And of course, along with the wondering comes the constant questions – “Did my boob just hurt for a second there?” “Wait, do I feel nauseous?” “My sense of smell seems stronger all of the sudden, doesn’t it?” And I don’t even know for sure that I’ve ovulated yet!!!!!! My lord, at this rate I’m going to drive myself crazy before Christmas.
One interesting part of this process that I didn’t anticipate was how much in love and head over heels I would feel towards my husband. For example, we were having a very average evening last night (after the super fun and awesome TTC portion 
), and as I watched him walk away from the car and into the local Hungry Howie’s to pick up our pizza, I got this overwhelming feeling of love and respect and appreciation for him – right there in the stupid Hungry Howie’s parking lot! I don’t know exactly what it was that brought it on last night, but it almost made me cry! For the first time in the almost ten years that we’ve been together, I find myself thinking: that man will be the father of my children – OUR children. Which, whoa, even now… overwhelming. I guess I just didn’t realize how meaningful this would all be and how many deep emotions it would inspire.
It’s crazy, I tell ya! Crazy GOOD, that is. 
